You Don’t Mess with the Zohan
Release year: 2008
My Rating: ★½ out of 5
Tagline: Lather. Rinse. Save the world.
Synopsis: An Israeli counterterrorism soldier with a secretly fabulous ambition to become a Manhattan hairstylist. Zohan’s desire runs so deep that he’ll do anything – including faking his own death and going head-to-head with an Arab cab driver – to make his dreams come true.
This movie feels weird to talk about in a post Gaza War world, so I'm gonna leave politics at the door for this one and only talk about the movie quality. And oh yeah, It blows!
I think this movie just sucks. For all the people who give shit to Little Nicky, and Click, and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, at least those movies are fun! I feel like this is the kind of movie people actually picture for your run of the mill, poor Adam Sandler movie quality.
I really, really don't know what they were going for here. Like maybe they are trying to add some silliness to ongoing wars in the Middle East and US fears of terrorism, but that's a really fine line to walk before it can go incredibly wrong. I don't think it goes incredibly wrong here, but instead they just do nothing with it. Like if you're going to make a massive swing at a movie this possibly controversial, at least try to say something. I think you could even make it funny here, but I think it just ends up boring. It's basically just saying "Why don't we all just get along?". Wonderful, I'm sure everyone will be satisfied with that!
I feel like almost all the jokes are that Zohan is really hot, and boy, is he sure great at sex. Like come on, I like Adam Sandler, I'd even call him attractive from time to time, but you trying to hammer it in to me over and over again. It can only be funny once. I laughed the first time he took the old lady in the back and had sex with her. I did not laugh the second time. I didn't laugh the 15th time. There was a point where I wondered if that was all this movie was going to be about, just him banging old ladies. And honestly I kinda wish it was because that was way more entertaining than whatever the movie became after that.
God, stop, Rob Schneider! I can't handle nearly every single movie you playing something offensive. You are not Arab, and I don't want to see you here. You make every one of these movies worse. Oh but he doesn't stop though. He will keep going.
Zohan is just incredibly unsatisfying. All I want are funny jokes and maybe something clever to say about conflict in the Middle East, but you get neither. I don't know, some people like this one so maybe I'm just a hater.
